Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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