dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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