I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
