My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
