apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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