it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
