It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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