Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
