Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
