I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dicks are not precious.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
