I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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