so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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