Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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