I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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