Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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