We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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