you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
