I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
