you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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