I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
