I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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