Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
