Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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