I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
