Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
