I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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