You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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