the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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