After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
