Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
