When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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