You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
