Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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