You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
