dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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