we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
