You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
