i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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