what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
