You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
