You're so nebulous sometimes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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