after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
