I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
