So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
