Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
