I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
