..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
