Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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