her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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