You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
