As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
